One day, the teenage boy’s lust got the better of him and he decided to sneak into his parents’ closet to get at some adult movies they had hidden there. He knew that if he got caught he would be in big trouble, so he carefully took the movie out of its hiding place, watched it and tried to put it back just like he found it. The fear of his parents finding out made the experience both thrilling and frightening.
When the teenage boy’s father came home from work and in an angry voice called him to the bedroom, the teenage boy’s heart began to pound. “Someone’s been digging in my closet,” the father said angrily. “Let me see your hands.” The teenage boy hesitated, as he thought his hands were about to be chopped off, but then the father said, “I put some special powder in my closet and if I hold a special light over your hands and the powder glows, I’ll know you were in there.”
Though his crime was about to be discovered, the teenage boy bit his tongue. “I’ll let you go this time,” the father said without producing the aforementioned special light.
The teenage boy never went into the closet again, but he did still think about sex. A lot. Especially when he started having it a short while later with his high school girlfriend.
Years later after becoming an adult, the teenage boy recounted that story to me with the same emotion he felt as he stood in front of his judge and executioner. As an adult, that teenage boy still has a healthy sex drive and, most likely, his own porn collection.
The point of the story is that teenagers will risk life and limb to find out about sex. It’s not just the “bad” teenagers; all teenagers are curious. The teenage boy from my story got good grades, didn’t do drugs or drink in high school, got a college scholarship and got his degree in four years. He was the perfect kid. Except, apparently, for his insatiable need to find out about sex.
This teenage boy grew up before the days of cell phones or the Internet. Today, with the advent of these new technologies, parents no longer just worry about their children digging into their closets to steal their adult videos. The videos can be had for free on the Web. And with the ability to send messages, photos or video instantly using a cell phone, teenagers can write about sex or take still or moving pictures of themselves and send them to anyone — a trend that has been dubbed “sexting.”
So-called “sexting” is getting a lot of attention these days. It’s on newsstands at the grocery store and the Washoe County Sheriff’s Office issued a press release this week on the rise of “sexting.” The release defines “sexting” as “a minor texting comments of a sexual nature or sending nude photos of themselves or others via their cell phone,” and goes on to advise parents on how to stop their kids from doing it. Why stop them? Because child pornography laws ban sexually explicit images of underage persons — even if that person takes it of themselves and distributes it or even if the recipient is underage and has it on his or her phone or computer.
If caught “sexting,” the sheriff’s statement warns, teens could be kicked off of sports teams or lose other educational opportunities, not to mention the potential embarrassment in front of family and friends. Of course, we all know that the threat of such consequences will immediately put a stop to the sexual curiosity of a horny teenager. Just ask the teenage boy who stole his parents’ porn.
The ability of underage people to make and distribute sexually explicit images of themselves via cell phone and Internet has certainly made the issue more complex than it was for the teenage boy in my story. Who knows what he may have tried at that age if those technologies were available (or who knows what he had done as a legal adult with those technologies)? Whether looking at sexual pictures of others or making them of themselves, teenage boys and girls are curious about sex and the root of the problem lies not with the act but with the reaction to it by adults. Teenagers shouldn’t be made to fear their sexual curiosity. They need to understand it and made to feel that it’s OK to have it.
America sends mixed messages to teenagers by sexualizing young celebrities while condemning average young people who then imitate what they see on TV or in movies. It has to be confusing for a 15-year-old to figure out how to feel about sex or being sexy. Tribune columnist David Farside wrote on Tuesday about how other countries allow children to be sexual at a much younger age, sometimes as young as 13. Even within the United States, different states allow kids to have sex at different ages. The difference between 16 and 18 may not seem like much, but to a young adult it sends confusing signals about when it is OK to explore their natural urges.
I’m not saying 13-year-olds should be sending pictures of their breasts or penises using their cell phones. Really, I don’t have any exact answers. What I do see is that for adults to come down hard on kids for “sexting” is just one more way of them saying “No!” And we all know that telling a teenager “No!” just makes them want it more. The conversation shouldn’t be one-way with adults saying “Don’t do that!” It should be a two-way conversation with the adult asking, “Why did you do that? It’s OK, let’s talk about it.” We sure can’t stop young people from being curious about sex, but maybe we can teach them to be smart about it, whether that means abstaining, using a condom or not sending naked pictures of themselves on their phones. Or, maybe the answer is to keep giving stupid names like “sexting” to these teenage antics. If adults give lame labels to something, it suddenly becomes uncool and no kid will want to do it.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, my girlfriend just sent me a text message. Ooh la la.
Nathan Orme is the editor of the Sparks Tribune. He can be reached at norme@dailysparkstribune.com.
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