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Googling for liquid Romanian castanets
by Andrew Barbano
Jun 12, 2013 | 1761 views | 0 0 comments | 113 113 recommendations | email to a friend | print
Other than doing our laundry, what should we do about Big Brother peeking into our collective lace undies?

How about throwing monkey wrenches into Big Brother’s shorts?

Everyone on earth can now be reduced to a number plus keywords.

It all started over 500 years ago when navigators came up with latitude and longitude to help them explore the world without getting too lost.

Thanks to technology, matters have gotten totally out of control. Numbers rule.

We have been semi-voluntarily surrendering personal information for a long, long time.

In exchange for using somebody else’s money, we not only pay with interest but also with information. We got used to it at our peril.

Every time you web search something, Big Google in the sky logs it. Over time, the company builds a profile on you in order for its advertisers to more efficiently sell you stuff.

If you don’t allow intrusive cookies into your computer, Yahoo, Google, Bing and their ilk won’t let you use their search engines.

Likewise with cyber toys like Facebook and Twitter.

Some folks are naturally exhibitionistic and prone to reveal too much. I may be old-fashioned, but I get embarrassed when people expose themselves.

I really don’t want to know if Suzy Creamcheese from Peoria has dumped her boyfriend, entered a new relationship or is trolling.

Do I care that Louie Cotsafracas had lunch at the Paducah Applebee’s?

The U.S. Census has been pushing for voluntary info for over 200 years. Accuracy is accidental. It’s a governmental game. Some win, some lose.

Nevadans didn’t take my census advice in 2010. By failing to add an extra person to our household forms, we narrowly lost a fifth congressional seat. We will thus remain under-represented in Washington until at least 2022.

Semi-voluntary info apparently isn’t good enough for the military-industrial complex.

We the people thus need a new defense mechanism. I submit an undoubtedly ill-informed, unprofessional and overly simplistic strategy: Google some nonsense at least once a day, thereby weakening the integrity of Big Brother’s file on you.

As a test, I keyed in “liquid Romanian castanets.” Google responded with 1.25 million returns, a comic cacophony of non-sequitur and irrelevance. Here’s a sampling:

* Jaap van Zweden Conductor David Fray Bates Liquid Interface.

* A guide to threadlocking adhesives.

* Castanet — getting ripped off on gasoline.

* Translate ast to Romanian online.

* Vocal cover a capella girl from Romania.

All three keywords also appeared in the Cumberland News of Monday, 23 December 1963.

The best defense is a good offense. Google something nonsensical at least once a day and drive the system nuts. Make information gleaned from you without permission not worth the trouble of stealing.

All other suggestions welcome. But don’t tell anybody.

Esté bien. Haga infierno.

Be well. Raise hell.

Andrew Barbano is a 44-year Nevadan and editor of  E-mail Barbwire by Barbano has originated in the Tribune since 1988.
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