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The 2013 Nevada student legislative glossary
by Andrew Barbano
May 29, 2013 | 1084 views | 0 0 comments | 13 13 recommendations | email to a friend | print

We elected them, so you know this is gonna hurt.

The Nevada Legislature will shut down next week, perpetuating our penny-pinching, pettifogging production of ever-expanding percentages of poorly prepared post-pubescent misfits, misanthropes and dropouts.

As usual, the Tribune investigative team spared every expense to obtain student answers to the 2013 legislative civics quiz. Herewith, the brazen, bizarre and bizarrely astute.

WARREN BUFFET: All you can eat for $4.99 at the Cal-Neva.

ASSAULT: The shaker next to the pepper.

ASSAULT RIFLE: A can of Pringle's Potato Chips.

BACKGROUND CHECK: What guys automatically do in the proximity of a shapely wench, perhaps from Prague.

LOBBYIST REGISTRATION: When lobbyists are outlawed, only outlaws will have lobbyists.

SLIPPERY SLOPE: Where gun laws go to die.

CCW: A Proud Mary revival band.

GUN CONTROL: Property of the National Rifle Association.

DNA TEST: If it comes back blue, you're pregnant.

DNA TEST: The thing they give to drunk drivers.

LGBT: The four chromosomes on a DNA strand.

2014 ELECTION: Will last more than four hours.

CAPITAL PUNISHMENT: The 2013 Legislative Session.

CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT: The 2015 Legislative Session.

GREEN ENERGY: Something made from green cards.


IMMIGRATION: Migration of immature geese.

ELL: An expensive magazine featuring siliconed skinny girls.

MODIFIED BUSINESS TAX: A tax on modified businesses.

EXPEL: Spelling dirty words.

EXPELLED: Kicked out by your ex.

MARGIN TAX: A tax on margarine.

BROTHEL TAX: A tax on soup.

SALES TAX: A tax on sailboats.

SERVICE TAX: Leave veterans alone!

VETO: Foot injury caused by stumbling over grass roots.

K-12: Something my parents use that they don't talk about.


GAY MARRIAGE: Happens when my parents are happy.

CIVIL UNION: A polite picket line.

SEX EDUCATION: Something Nevada students learn after school.

ONLINE POKER: An Internet porno site.

SEX ED: Name of poker movie host.

LANE SPLITTING: My dad's comb-over.

MADAME SPEAKER: Somebody who advocates on behalf of abused madames.

MINORITY WHIP: Hurts so good.

MAJORITY WHIP: Costs more. Hurts better.

GROSS PROCEEDS: What happens after too much beer.

NET PROCEEDS: Fish net pantyhose.

PREVAILING WAGE: Price of a dominatrix.

STAR BONDS: Cost extra.

SUNNY SIDE UP: Gov. Sandoval on a tanning bed.

OVER EASY: How Democrats roll.

SCRAMBLED: How Republicans think.


MENTAL ILLNESS: Results from smoking menthol cigarettes.

WARD VOTING: Casting a ballot from a Nevada mental hospital.

MENTAL HEALTH: A warm bus ticket.

REAPPORTIONMENT BILL: Asking for separate checks at Adele's.

COMMERCE AND LABOR COMMITTEE: The former results in the latter — about nine months later.

GOVERNMENT AFFAIRS COMMITTEE: Named in honor of former Gov. Jim the Dim, R-19th Century.

CAUCUSING: Something politicians shamelessly do in public.

More at

Esté bien. Haga infierno.

Be well. Raise hell.

Andrew Barbano is a 44-year Nevadan and editor of  E-mail Barbwire by Barbano has originated in the Tribune since 1988.

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